And then it went KA-BOOM!

Christmas happened, and there was much gift-giving and shameless materialism and even a few expressions of sincere affection at our house.

Big Daddy T got his xbox 360 and immediately claimed it as his saucy mistress. Which is only a little awkward, since I end up chatting with his friend Chris over the headsets as often as he does while we play Halo 3. Also while I blast the effing aych-ee-double-hockey-sticks out of the alien scum. Because I'm a lady.

I didn't really ask for anything this year except the Amy Winehouse album, which T neglected to get because (as he pointed out) I can just as easily get it off of iTunes. Instead, he got me something totally unexpected and completely awesome. In lieu of a photo of the actual item (which I somehow neglected to photograph) I will share this radical shot of the scrumptious packaging...


Yes, a Coach purse. My husband is attempting to upgrade me from the ground level up, and it seems that my $10 canvas mommy bag from Walmart was as good a place as any to start. So, now I carry my fabulous (still big enough to hold a diaper and small spare wipes) purse with me everywhere I go, and try not to think about the fact that it cost as much as I would spend on clothes in a year. Okay, so for a year that number may be pitifully low. Which, incidentally, is the other part of my directive: Buy Nice Clothes. Which I will totally start working on... as soon as I lose the last 15 pounds.

The boys got too many toys to enumerate, sadly. The highlight, I think, was the kitchen set I got from JC Penney for $35. Of course, at that price, I knew there would be a catch. I just didn't know there would be 175 or so of them. You see, the kitchen came totally unassembled. I wish I had taken photos to share, but I was apparently so stricken at the realization that every. single. piece. was unconnected, I sorta blacked out for a few hours and somehow got it put together just before dinner.

Of course, after their recent introduction to Toy Story, they had to get matching Buzz Lightyear action figures.


And then their heads exploded.

After Christmas, of course, I headed to parts west for my sister's New Years Eve wedding in Salt Lake City. I have all sorts of anecdotes I am sure I could share - and still yet may - but for the moment, let's just stick to the highlights of the trip.

- The Kaboom. In the first 48 hours that I was gone, T and the boys all came down with fever and chest cough. The cat got trapped in our bedroom overnight with T and peed on our bed. The boys got into the Christmas stockings and ate, between them, an entire package of chewing gum. The boys also left the stockings laying out which brings us to the part where the dog ate 3 entire Tobleronne bars. The dog, by the way, is fine. I, on the other hand, and still somewhat grief-stricken at the loss of the chocolate. But I'll be okay. Time heals all wounds, and all that. Eventually.

- Saw "I Am Legend" with my sister Shannon and her teenage son. Their family is so fan-freaking-tastic I hardly know where to begin. Theirs is one of the few places I can walk into and feel immediately at home. We had good conversation and some lively debate, and even added a little icing to an already sweet relationship. Also, she makes me brave in my style choices and reminds me that, in all ways, just being myself is quite good enough. Even though her 11-year-old daughter can play circles around me on the violin. Hey, at least my teenage nephew (who has the most wickedly awesome hair, by the way) was willing to sit with us at the movie. So at least I haven't reached "sit three rows back and pretend not to know the adult" status. Yet, anyway.

- Got to have Sushi with Dr. Allie and another old acquaintance. The sushi was awesome, the Saki was hot, and the chance to catch up and let our hair down was priceless.

- Sat next to my last surviving Grandma at the wedding. She had one of her more lucid moments, and we had a nice chat. And she didn't comment on the pierced nose or the wild hair, just laughed at my jokes and let me put my arm around her during the ceremony and generally acted grandmotherly.

- At our wedding five years ago T and I gave the DJ explicit instructions about the type of music to play for the first few hours of the reception. With T's dad being retired military and currently in government, there were a fair few military and government-dignitary-types present. My sister, of course, did a little flirting and convinced the DJ to play Nelly's "It's getting hot in here (so take off all your clothes)" in the first 10 minutes.

It took five years, but I finally served up the payback. I had a little chat with the DJ, agreed to take any and all blame, and finally served my sis a dose of her own medicine. Being Utah, of course, she got the benefit of the DJ dubbing out the more offensive parts of the song (not so at our wedding, for the record) but still. Payback was sweet, baby.

- Watched fireworks at eye level on the 23rd floor of the Wells Fargo building in Salt Lake City at midnight. It was a weird moment - no T to kiss or snuggle up to. Just me, standing in a room of family and strangers, a little island unto myself. I was exhausted, oddly serene, and fiercely homesick. I think maybe it took being so far away from my home and our own little family to realize how much those things are the center of my life. Extended family is lovely, and it's nice to catch up once in a while, but if I had to make a choice... I'd choose T and the boys over anyone or anywhere else in the world every time.

---

All in all, more has happened in the last few weeks than I can properly record. I'm ready to move on into 2008. I'm sure I'll probably look back here and there, and toss in a thing or two I forgot, but for the most part... I have already moved on. I'm ready for something good - no - GREAT to happen. I'm ready for a new year.

As soon as I get over this gnarly chest cold, that is.

Mousey Christmas To All.

So last night we're engaging in some holiday chicanery - you know: baking, talking, watching socio-politically aware movies (Blood Diamond was very good, if not very Cheer-inducing).

Not a creature was stirring....

When what to our wondering eyes should appear? But a mouse, which we noticed just as he scurried under the oven.

Chloe the cat noticed, too. She took up a post in the nearest corner of the room and waited. And waited. And then, being a cat, was distracted by something shiny - perhaps a puff of tinsel, or perhaps the sushi we were eating for dinner.

Whatever the reason, be it tinsel or fish, I believe we all wished the same holiday wish: for that little grey mouse to be gone.

But holidays are crazy, there's just so much to do, so we all shrugged our shoulders with nary a clue how to handle this unwelcome guest.

Until this morning, you see, when I was preparing to roll out the dough we mixed up before bed. I opened the drawer that's under the oven, where we keep all the pans for cookies and muffins, just in time to see the top of his head.

Our mouse had taken up residence in the drawer.

At the first sight of me, of course, he disappeared beneath the pans. I was left wondering what I was going to do about a mouse in the drawer. Also, I wondered how I would remove the pan I needed without crushing the little vermin. Because the last thing you want to remember when you are baking is that this is the drawer where you had to sterilize out the smashed remains of a possibly diseased rodent.

I removed the pans, one at a time, and found the mouse - stunned into a lifeless lump - at the bottom. I covered him with a tupperware and scooped him up. Then I stared at him. Did I accidentally crush him with one of the pans after all? He seemed to be breathing. Was that a twitch of the whiskers? I stared at him, wondering what to do, until several minutes had passed.
I puzzled puzz'd (yes, till my puzzler was sore) when something happened I hadn't expected before. The little mouse sat up, revived. So I thought a bit more, then opened the door, and behind the fence set him free, still alive.

It must be that Christmas is practically here. I can think of no reason except "time of year" that I felt such concern for a mouse. Especially one that caused such great stress (not to mention a big heap ofpoop, er, I mean "mess") in venturing into our house...

So Merry Christmas to all, the tall and the small, and be sure to show how much you care....
Share smiles with abandon, show kindness at random, and from further terrible mouse poetry may you be spared.

Christmas Survey

Still convalescing, in case you were wondering. But I am at least eating now, mostly cake. Moms have brought us lots of cake. Which is why moms are awesome, and also why my sweat smells vaguely of sugar and crisco. And you're welcome.

Dr. Allie sent me this meme in an email, and because I am still blaming the percocet for my stifled creativity you are now the benefactors of my inability to navigate my email client while heavily medicated. And you're welcome, again. The stitches come out Saturday. My back gets injected on Thursday. If I'm lucky, I might get to poop by Friday.

Once more, with feeling now.... You're Welcome!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Wrapping paper. Typically with ridiculously anal-retentive creases and coordinating bows. Everyone has a talent, y'all.

2. REAL OR FAKE TREE?

Love the smell of real trees, but hate the whole care and feeding portion of the activity. We have a fake one for now; I figure it will tide us over until the boys are old enough to demand authenticity. It's also pre-lit, because I am incapable of correctly wrapping lights.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Typically the weekend after Thanksgiving. There was a brief delay this year, because of my Gram passing over Thanksgiving weekend. I just wasn't up for it when we got back from Ohio, but a few days of respite and I was ready to gear up for some holiday spirit.

4. When do you take the tree down?

The weekend after New Years.

5. Do you like eggnog?

My left butt cheek is entirely attributed to egg nog. In recent years I began cutting it with milk, because the hard stuff was noticeably hardening my arteries.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

Cabbage Patch Doll. I wanted that sucker for so many months, I think I actually had a small apoplexy when I opened it.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes, but I don't think we remembered to put it up this year. I should probably dig it out before I pack the rest of the boxes away in the basement...

8. Hardest person to buy for?

Honestly? Myself. I never know what I want for Christmas, and T always gets me something creative, but I never really have any good ideas for him. In recent years, though, I think I've gotten easier. A gift card for clothes or lingerie, and anything from Bath and Body Works pretty much fills in the cracks.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

T. Because he tells me what he wants starting in about March, and wages a campaign from there until December. This year was easiest, though, because he's not getting what he asked for until later in the spring, so I got him exactly what he needed instead of what he pined for. He'll still love it.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever got?

No idea. Maybe the year that "Santa's Little Helper" gave everyone gag gifts from the Goodwill store? I think I got an oven mitt. I was 12.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Mail! We've only got one so far this year (Thanks to Dr. Allie and the Amazing Wonder Steve!). Then again, I have not yet mailed OUR cards out. I'm still working on getting a decent photo of the boys to include with our Christmas letter. We'll try again this week, I guess.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

It's a Wonderful Life. I try to watch it every Christmas Eve, though I am forced to compete with T's everlasting worship of Bill Murray and Scrooged. I admit, Scrooged is a great movie... but when it gets down to true holiday spirit, nothing compares with Zuzu and her petals, baby.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Typically in November. I would lie and say earlier, but the truth is I keep ahead of things about 10 minutes at a time. I keep trying to get on the ball, but I think it's a losing battle at this point in my life. I'll try again when I have grandkids. Maybe.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Honestly, No.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Fudge, cookies... and of course Christmas Dinner - Standing rib roast, Yorkshire pudding, red cabbage....

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

Clear.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

The Christmas Song.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

Stay at home for Christmas Eve/Morning. It's all good to go to family for Christmas Dinner, though. Makes the day feel like 2 days of celebrating.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

Sadly, yes. Don't forget Rudolph.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

Star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

Morning! Though I like the idea of everyone getting a new pair of PJ's and opening just that gift on Christmas Eve. Might have to start that tradition this year.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

People who absolutely miss out on the holiday spirit and can't even, at this time of year, just for a few weeks, put on a smile and be a little bit kinder to the world. Seriously, some old guy in a car full of family and kids cursed me out the other day because he didn't like T's parking job and I happened to be waiting in the passenger seat of the car. What is that about?

23. What I love most about Christmas?

Every. Single. Thing. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the tastes. Being together with family and friends, wrapping carefully selected gifts, getting covered in flour and chocolate while making cookies and fudge. It's all so good, I can hardly hold it in.

Now if I can just get back on my feet, I can dive back in to all the Christmas preparation and maybe get back a little of the holiday spirit that I'm lacking all propped up in my recliner with my stitches and my pain meds for company.

I'm too tired to figure out who to tag with this sucker so, if you're reading this, you may officially consider yourself tagged. Ready, steady, GO!

Santa Ain't The Only One In Red This Season

Thanks to my awesomely spectacular friend Molly, who kept the boys - and fed them dinner - and did not let them kill each other - while I went shopping ALL ALONE, I was able to locate and secure a fabulous, frilly frock (ooOOoo alliteration abounds!) for T's upcoming Company Christmas soiree, as well as my sister's New Years' Eve wedding.

It's red, and strappy, and has a little black tulle just peeking out from under the flouncing skirt. There are tiny black dots on the fabric. There's a dangly black sashy-type-deal in the front that secures with a sparkly broach.

In light of the fact that my wardrobe of late has involved suspicious levels of denim and sweat pants, it was a bit of a rush to try on floaty, swirly, feminine duds. I even splurged on a necklace to complete the ensemble. It felt decadent. (Which, by the way, is incredibly sad, as the dress was on sale for $32.95 and the necklace was a whopping $10. Plus I had a gift card for $10 off, so even with the yummy, chunky, plum-colored sweater-coat I couldn't resist, my grand total was only about sixty bucks. "Let them eat cake!" etc. etc. etc.)

So I am all ready for holiday season. Except for the actual holidays... Those? I am entirely unprepared for. Fabulous dress for formal occasions? Check. Gifts for the kids? umm... Gifts for the husband? Ohh, wouldn't YOU like to know.***

***(As T is my most devoted reader, I will not be able to disclose the details of his gifts here. Suffice it to say that I have one particular item up my sleeve that will go down in our history book. And NO, Baby, it's not the xbox 360... so you can go and take a cold shower now.)

Since I had kids, I find that the pressure to be done with holiday shopping seems to start earlier each year. By the first of November, people are telling me they've been finished since June while I quietly begin to freak out.

But that, my friends, is why Al Gore invented the internets. After half an hour on Amazon.com, I think I have at least figured out what the major gifts will be this year. I got a few things ordered, and put the rest on my "wait" list to catch in the After Thanksgiving specials. I may be cutting it close, but I think I might just get Christmas together in time to avoid last year's debacle. Staying up till 4am to put together and wrap kid toys is not recommended. Especially when your kid will be up at 6am to rip the paper off while you attempt to scrounge up some enthusiasm and snort enough coffee grounds to stay awake until dinner.

Okay, so chances are we'll probably end up in the same situation this year. And chances are that, in the long run, it's a key part of this whole parenting experience. In fact, if watching "It's A Wonderful Life" on the midnight movie (or whatever the tradition may be for your particular flavor of holiday) while trying to read the over-complicated assembly directions for a child's toy with bleary eyes is not already a required right of passage for parenting -- well, it definitely should be. There's a clarity that comes with smashing your thumb for the fourth time while attempting to assemble an item meant for 2-year-olds.

We are but the simple slaves to our tiny masters. And, when it comes to holidays, any pain and frustration is dissolved in the untempered joy on their little faces. At least until the spending hangover kicks in sometime around mid-January, that is.

But hey. At least the Season of Insanity also gives me an excuse to wear something pretty.

As I sit here in my seriously shabby pajama pants (the ones from Old Navy with the whales on them, oh irony) and my Beatles "Let It Be" t-shirt (Toby keeps pointing at John Lennon and saying "Dada!" Yeah, I have no clue what that's about.) I realize.....

I am really, really looking forward to a night out in a pretty dress.